Friday, May 6, 2011

Missing You

"Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows." -Luke 12:7

My baby Georgie, I miss you so badly today. I missed you so badly yesterday, and the day before. How is that we never met face to face, and yet I knew you so well? You blessed me beyond belief. I know our Lord set you apart when He made you. And He knows all the hairs on your beautiful, perfect head.

I look at my own hands and feel my heart break again. Your hands were just like mine. I look at photos of you and your hands were little miniature versions of mine. I look at them and am reminded of you. It hurts and warms me at the same time.

Your mama is still left on earth without you. My faith sustains me here, my child, but the days and nights are so long right now.

I wonder if this will ever get any better short of heaven? Every morning that I wake up is so unbelievably hard right now. My heart is pierced every morning again, and again. I feel like a shadow of myself.

I found out today about 3 other women who experienced a stillbirth like me. All went on to have more children. I pray desperately to God right now that He gives Georgie brothers and sisters.

The stories of this tragedy happening to other people seem to come out of nowhere right now. I still gape in shock when I hear about it, even though the reality has happened to me too. I think if they can do it, so can I.

On a side note, I hate the word "stillbirth." I don't know what else to call it, but i hate it nonetheless.

Tomorrow I'm going to an "International Babylost Mother's Day" breakfast.

I also hate the word "babylost," but I guess I will hate all these terms that remind me that my daughter is no longer here with me. I am meeting with other women tomorrow who have experienced this.

One of the women I have come to know over the last few weeks lost her baby girl when she was born. This woman has been trying for several years to conceive again. She just found out she is pregnant.

Please pray for her and her husband.

This week one of my co-workers, but someone I also consider a friend, told me she was going to start going to church again. I praise God for this. We will pray for her too, and for her husband, who is a brave warrior often gone on missions defending our country.

Finally, I make a plug for one of my favorite Christian artists--Danielle Rose. Her songs have been very comforting to me right now. There is a song called "Abraham's Offering" that is particularly beautiful. I remember that Pope John Paul II loved her music.

My love to all of you out there praying for us. Please pray for all of us who suffer from this tragedy. There are so many of us out there.

My love to my baby girl, Georgiana. How badly I long to see her again.

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