Thursday, May 10, 2012

Two Week Countdown

As of today, there are 14 days left until I hopefully meet my son.

At this point, I am such a mix of emotions I'm starting to feel like they're all just canceling each other out. It's to the point where I just feel mute, and almost paralyzed about the whole thing.

It's like I don't want to talk too much about it because I don't want to invite tragedy again to my little corner of the universe. Just fly under the radar until we get to May 24.

This probably makes no sense, but it does just literally feel like I'm holding my breath. Like I'm stuck in one of those moments where you catch your breath, and you just stay that way. And there's nothing else you can do but keep holding on as the day approaches.

Nights and mornings have become really hard. I'm not getting a lot of sleep, and the mornings where I wake up and just happen to catch him at the beginning or middle of a sleep cycle damn near terrify me right now. I lay there, just begging him to move. He always does, eventually. It seems I'll have a day where I start to feel comfortable and actually start to believe in this happening, and then the next day I'm just filled with panic.

I'm hoping a little of this goes away after he's born? Ladies?

Most mornings, though, I look down and this is what I see down in the middle of my feet:

I'm not real sure how to break it to Quatro at this point, that after 5 years of sleeping in my bed, he's not going to be welcome here anymore in a couple of weeks. Poor little fuzzball.


  1. Ha - I love the name Quatro.

    Does the fear go away? Sort of. And it does get better (easier) as time goes on. But you will certainly still have a fear of SIDs and any of the other horrible, tragic things, especially that other BLMs have been through.

    For me, the fear those last few weeks of my pregnancy was the worst and most paralyzing at times. Once he was here, it was like I didn't have time to let it consume me as much.

    Will be hoping and praying for the very best for you - can't wait to see Georgie's brother.

  2. I did a lot of panicking in the days/week after K was born. I still check on his breathing a million times a day/night, but I'm not AS panicked. The last few days before his birth were tough for me. Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. You can do this. Hang in there.

  3. This is THE hardest part. At least it was for me. Holding your breath because so much is at stake. And also the emotions from Georgie and losing her will all come full circle when you meet him. Experiencing the hospital again and all of those emotions will come back.

    Holding my breath with you.

  4. I wake up in the night/morning and if I don't feel the baby move, I roll from side to side, waking up that kid until he/she kicks in protest. Then we can both go back to sleep. :) Deep breaths. 14 days. Amazing.

  5. Yep. Those last days/weeks were so tough. And I did the same thing with the cycle of having a day where I felt like everything was on track and going to be okay, only to have the next day knock me on my butt.

    As the others have said, it does get SOME better. I don't think we're ever going to be the naive laid back parents. It just doesn't come naturally after you've had to live the worst-case scenario. But it does get easier to not think of the worst-case scenario so often...but it's popped up in my mind more than a few times since Addie's been here.

    14 days. Wow. Sending lots of love and many many prayers. Love to you!

  6. Holy Schnickies....14 days! So close... makes me want to hold my breath for you. Sleep? haha SUREEEEE like your gonna get any of that. IT is a ridiculous concept really. Just hoping right along with you. AND that dog...I didn't even know what I was looking at for a minute...what a funny little furball. :)

  7. The days and weeks leading up to Mason being born were definitely the hardest for me. The anxiety and fear kicked into overdrive. It was also hard for me the day of his birth because I kept thinking everything would go horribly wrong again. But after he was born it was easier to breathe for sure. Now I still jumped up all night long checking his breathing for weeks and weeks. But now that we're in month 5 that fear has slowly let up as well. I think we will always fear for their safety- even when they are adults. We can't help it after what we've been through.

    Praying for the 24th to hurry up and get here and for a safe arrival of your baby boy!

  8. As everyone else said, these last few days are the hardest. I hope these days speed by for you.