Today has been exhausting. We are moving in three days. The movers came to pack up today. They actually did a really great job and were very helpful, and for a small tip, we were able to get them to pack up a lot of stuff that we're taking with us (versus going with the movers to temporary storage) (bonus!).
Tensions have been high. I've been very tired. I feel like a 90 year old trapped in a 30 year old's body. At one point today, I just gave up, I pray that God has no more "big ones" for me.
It's hard to put moving into words. I think it would be great if there were a book that didn't just deal with loss and stillbirth, but also had the following chapters: (1) moving and stillbirth; (2) grocery shopping and stillbirth; (3) job change and stillbirth. On and on...
The point is, Georgiana and her passing affects all of it. I am actually looking forward to moving to OKC, but she has just changed my whole view on...well...everything.
You all are probably wondering about the title of this post.
So...when we went to our first SHARE (pregnancy and infant loss support group) meeting, it wasn't even three weeks after Georgie had passed away. We called SHARE, and they were having a meeting the next day. When we got there, they gave us a memory book, flowers, and about six grief books.
Our dog Bingley (the goldendoodle) destroyed all six books.
I had the books sitting on one of our kitchen chairs because we had our last meeting tonight in Colorado Springs. I was going to bring the books back to the SHARE library. When we got home from church the other night (it had been storming so we left the dogs inside), Bing had apparently had such a panic attack without us (he's a little high-strung) that he tore all six books off the chair and chewed them all up.
Picture it...we get home...I realize pieces of grief books are all over the floor (Silent Grief, Empty Cradle Broken Heart, They Were Stillborn, When Men Grieve).
Me: "Great. We have ruined the pregnancy loss books. Good thing we're moving because we'd probably never be invited back to SHARE."
Dave: "Well, they're just chewed around the edges. We can return them. It'll be ok."
(insert wifely glare from me)
Me: "We cannot return them like this. We have to buy new ones."
Of course our dog had to destroy the few things in our downstairs that do not belong to us. And grief books to boot.
To say our life is messy now doesn't even begin to describe, but I think this situation encapsulates the whole thing perfectly.
Back to moving...