Thursday, July 21, 2011

4 Months

Yesterday marked four months. I was a swirl of emotions all day yesterday and today, but keeping it together and plugging along for moving's sake. We are in a very small 2 bedroom apartment for the time being, but it fits us well and it's cozy. The buildings themselves have a Section 8 feel about them, but I'm not complaining.

By Friday of last week, we were getting the h*ll out of dodge (and by dodge, I mean Colorado Springs). I feel an amazing sense of relief to leave that house and not have to look at that hospital anymore.

I reflected yesterday, as I have every month on the 20th, about her funeral. There are many memories, snapshots if you will, from that day, that I can hardly bear to remember. Closing the lid to her coffin with Dave, having to walk away from her gravesite (willing myself) and realizing I would never again see her on this earth.

It is better being here in Oklahoma City. I am around my family, this is a new yet familiar place, and I am starting many new things. Changing environments can be very good. The ever-present sadness remains, and I spend many moments of the day just repeating to myself that this life does not last forever. It's so hard sometimes.

A sweet mama whom I do not know lost her little girl Ellianna a few days ago. Please pray for her family. They have been on my mind a lot, as I remember the raw hell of the first few days and weeks.

Love and prayers to all of you. Love, most of all, to my sweet Georgie. I miss you so much, baby girl.


  1. Been thinking a lot about you lately. Glad you guys got moved...and getting settled into your new/old city.

    Those monthly anniversaries are always rough...I'm sure they'll get easier as time goes on, and I suppose they've gotten a little easier for me, but they do still send me for a loop, it seems. We just had our 9 month anniversary (also the 20th)...and it was a tough day. I do the snapshot thing that you mentioned.

    Anyway...lots of love and prayers!

  2. I am so sorry about the loss of Georgiana. Such a beautiful name and a beautiful baby girl. Anniversaries are hard and I remember four months being especially so, maybe because I just thought somehow it would get easier by then. I hope your sweet dogs are making you smile.

  3. Hope you are hanging in there as best as possible. It's always to hear or learn about other mama's who are going through this journey as it brings back so many emotions. So I hope you are doing ok thinking about Ellianna and your sweet Georgiana.