I broke down in the grocery store today. Babies crying all around us, infant carriers, a little girl saying "Mommy" over and over in her grocery cart.
I couldn't handle it and just started bawling in the middle of the paper towel aisle, with Dave standing next to me and having no idea what to do. So out of the corner of my eye I saw him grab marshmallows, chocolate and graham crackers as we rushed our way out of the store.
I love that man.
Is this to be my life forever? Am I going to constantly be triggered in this way? My heart actually hurts for the thought that I had this effect on someone when I was pregnant with Georgiana.
I pray to God the answer to these questions is "no." But I also realize that God's promises don't necessarily include a happy life on earth.
The rest of my life just seems like such a long time right now. And all I want is my girl. And I don't get her, not for a long time.
My soul is heavy.
I am trying to rest in the peace He gives, in the promise of heaven He gives to us. It's much easier said than done. All I can do is pray, and have faith, and try to count my blessings right now.
Oh, on the side of "unblessings," that tooth that I had filled a couple of weeks ago? Yeah, probably need a root canal. I'm going to have to suck it up and go to the dentist on Monday for that.