Thursday, April 21, 2011

A love letter to my baby Georgiana

"Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, relentless as the netherworld is devotion. It burns like a blazing fire, like a mighty flame." Song of Songs 8:6

My dearest Georgiana, my daughter, my saint,

It has been a little over a month since we lost you on March 20. My perfect child, you came out of my body exquisite, with hands just like mine, fingers long and strong and graceful. You would have played the piano like we had hoped. You had slender feet just like your daddy's.

You had the most beautiful mouth I had ever seen. Although your eyes were closed, I peeked at them when you and I were by ourselves in the hospital room together. They were the most beautiful deep ocean blue, and I know they would have stayed blue like your daddy's eyes. You had a full crown of soft honey blonde hair.

Your little body was still, sleeping forever, and Jesus had already taken you, my baby, to Heaven to be with Him.

Your absence has broken our hearts. Your wonderful name--Georgiana Bliss--breaks my heart still. I cry that I will never be able to say your name aloud as much as I had hoped, but have to say it instead to myself in the silence and the darkness of the night.

We are left to pick up the pieces. Your daddy and I are struggling. We must somehow live on in this fallen world for many years, away from you. I know that someday I will meet you again, that your beautiful deep blue eyes will look into mine, and I will know that you have always been happy, even without me. I am so incredibly sad and lonely without you.

My body still bears the evidence of your birth. The soft mama's belly that I am now familiar with, the jagged and beautiful stretch marks across my hips. I smile when I see them in the mirror. You have left pieces of yourself on my skin. I hope they stay.

To meet you again one day is the deepest desire of my heart. I pray to God all day that He loves you better than I could, that He gives your parents the grace to spend eternity with you. I am so happy to know that one of my children is now a saint, wrapped safe in the arms of Jesus, showered in Mother Mary's roses and holy fragrance. I know that this life is but a moment compared to eternity.

I imagine that Jesus holds you as you look down at us. Your daddy told me the other night what you were doing in heaven. You asked Jesus, "Why are mommy and daddy crying?" He told you, "Mommy and daddy will be sad for awhile, but not forever. And they will get to meet you someday."

This gives me peace.

Pray for us, my sweet Georgiana.

Love you forever, Mama

1 comment:

  1. Dearest Katie and Dave,

    I have followed and felt deeply this loss of your exquisite daughter, Georgiana—saint, angel, glorious being. Thank you for sharing these personal writings. It means a great deal to hear from you this close, intimately and beautiful. Your little girl shines for us infinitely this way.

    We love you dearly and always,
    Aunt Mary, Daniel and Ken