Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Nearly a month in

I have so many things to say and yet am just left speechless most of the time lately.

I came home nearly a month ago from the hospital with a living child, my son.

I left the doors of the hospital holding an infant carrier. I spent the nights in the hospital with my second baby staring up into my eyes, alive, breathing.

We came home. Every cry, every breath, every gaze, is heaven.

I'm exhausted, exhilarated, fulfilled, and yes, still sad. Her brother coming home has brought on very intense grief and longing for my baby girl.

It's an odd existence, this happy and sad, but I spend most of my days right now humbled at the great gift we've been given in our little Davey, who is such a beautiful child and such a joy to us, and when he pierces the dark night with his cries, it overwhelms me with gratitude.

He looks like her in a lot of ways, and yet is definitely his own little person very separate from his sister. Yet I am glad to look at him and see the resemblances. I feel closer to her. I ask her to watch over him every time I place him in his bassinet. I am still afraid, and am getting that it never goes away. But I am so happy too.

Going to post some pics soon.


  1. It's an on existence, isn't it?

    Thankful to hear Davey is bringing love and hope into your lives and reminding you especially of his sister.

  2. I was definitely overcome with a fresh batch of grief after the safe arrival of Finn. It's one thing to dream of what you missed out on and another to know it first hand.