This is one of the most complicated 4ths of July I have ever experienced, and hopefully will experience.
This 4th of July marks our last 4th of July on active duty. Dave and I both separate from the AF this month. This was a plan we already had, but was somewhat accelerated by the untimely death of our firstborn.
Dave and I have both deployed--he was in Baghdad, I was in Afghanistan. We were separated for nearly two years during our marriage because of our military service. I'm proud to have served, but glad the time is coming to an end.
I look forward to beginning a new chapter. We're moving to Oklahoma in about a week and a half.
I thought today that we never did have a 4th of July with Georgiana. We conceived her sometime after the 4th of July, and by this year she has been gone a little over three months. I know she would have grown up loving this holiday. I had many plans for her, and unfortunately our plans are vastly different than they should have been.
We spent the 4th going to lunch, going to see Cars 2 (do not recommend, we were baffled by the plot) and then coming home and continuing our movie spree with Independence Day. We grilled and I made a salad.
All in all, today was immeasurably sad, but I also had some moments of peace. I am glad for those when they come, and I cling to them and am grateful to them for what they are.
I am missing my little girl today. I looked forward to a life of telling her about how mommy and daddy served in the military, about a life of teaching her the patriotism that I was taught. I also have moments of looking forward to my future life, though always missing my baby girl who should be here.
Happy 4th to all of you!
I'm glad you had a few moments of peace even in the sadness of the day. Although it's hard to imagine sometimes the glimpses of the future do provide hope.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with your move! I lived in Oklahoma for 4 years in college :)
Thinking of your little lady and you always......xoxo